4. "Past Present" Episode Review (GOOD)

   "You cannot begin to imagine." - Sage, when she returns home to her cousin's

   "Uh... hi." - Thyme, attempting to introduce herself to Parsley's brothers

   "I'm sorry, did you say Thyme?" - Thyme's mother, when visiting Parsley's home

   "Sure! She's my friend, from High Guardian Academy. The school got all infested with trabbers and was evacuated for the weekend, but her mom's away, so she's staying... with us." - Parsley, answering the question above before slowly realizing she is talking to Thyme's mother

   What feels like a filler episode is not. Instead, "Past Present" is a deeper look into the lives of each of the girls, and it is about as personal as it can be.

   Because High Guardian Academy is infested with trabbers, every student is required to return home; and surprisingly, Parsley is not responsible for this, nor is she held accountable. She could have easily and inadvertently did this in the previous episode. By leaving the underground caves, she could have released all of them into the school.

   But consequently, the girls must reconcile, or confront their home life before going back to academy life. Sage is once again caught between old magic and new magic, while Parsley and Thyme have conflict with their mothers. Similar to the previous episode "Transformations," each girl has a plot, with the exception of Rosemary.

   Having a life and conflict outside of High Guardian Academy, there is a bit more depth to the girls. Although I will admit that it is weird; if not lazy that all of the girls have issues with their mothers. Thyme would like to avoid Flora, Parsley is requested to stay at home with Angelica; and Sage learns that her mother experimented with new magic.

   The latter is most egregious, because despite telling Sage to only use old magic, she does not appear in the episode, and it would've been nice to have some kind of flashback.

   But in spite of Sage's arc focusing on old magic and new magic, there is no direct, easy explanation between their differences. After watching the episode, I wonder if different terraspheres have different properties, or if it is just cosmetic. I'm assuming it's the former, but it seems more like the latter.

   Even though Sage is impressed by new magic in the first episode, when Aunt Aloe produces a new room for her and Rosemary to sleep in; I don't understand why she is so resistant to the terrasphere Anise gives her. And because Sage is the smart one of the group, she would crave knowledge and at least experiment with new magic; but this does trigger the events of the next episode.

   She also claims that other students mock her for using old magic, but one student, Amaryllis, is not enough to support this. This doesn't really happen in the previous episodes, especially when she has never demonstrated or used old magic in front of other students. It could be argued that this happens in the background, but if this really does happen, then it should be shown on-screen.

   As for Parsley, even though she is my favorite protagonist of the show, the conflict with her mother seems contrived. Parsley believes that she is stopping her from making something of herself, but she has already done this, due to being a blacksmith and fulfilling (I assume) family tradition, and this is in spite of being a girl in a masculine occupation.

   Not only that, but in the episode "Disorientation Day," she is allowed to advance into Moss Phlox's third year class because she is already proficient at smithing; so why is she even bothering with academy life?

   However, I'm also guessing that Parsley does not want to help her mother in taking care of their family; i.e. she does not want to be her mother's assistant by taking care of her brothers. I say "guessing" because I'm unsure of why she is so upset. It could also be because her life (and occupation) at home is preventing her from making friends and having a social life, but this is clearly not the reason.

   Additionally, wouldn't Parsley's oldest brother become the next person in charge of helping their mother take care of the others?

   Still, the episode is a good reminder that the girls have lives outside the academy. Even though none of the humor in the episode is hysterically funny, the dilemmas that the girls face still make memorable moments, owing to the awkward moments they find themselves in.

   One good example is the face that Sage makes above. Another good example is when Thyme tries to introduce herself to Parsley's brothers when they are staring at her out of complete fascination. One of the boys even develops a crush on her.

   But the best example is when Thyme's mother visits Parsley's shop to repair a pair of scissors. Afterwards, Parsley explains that Thyme is staying with her in order to hide from her mother. Then, she eventually realizes that she is directly talking to her. The way her smile fades is just funny. Adding to this is how Flora has such a straight face when listening to her and looking down on her

   And sure, the plan to save Parsley's brother, Nettle, is complex and maybe even unnecessarily dramatic, but at least Parsley and Thyme work together to save him, and somewhat mend the relationship between Thyme and her mother.

   Overall, I like the episode for showing that the girls can't run from their problems at home. Things may have happened in the past, but they still have relevance in the present.

But what about the future?

previous episode review: Transformations

next episode review: Lost Cause

list of High Guardian Spice episode reviews

3. "Transformations" Episode Review (GOOD)

   "Am I in trouble already?" - Rosemary, wondering why Carroway would like to talk to her

   "I botched my mother's legacy!" - Rosemary, upset that she broke her mother's sword

   "Why am I even here?" -Amaryllis, wondering why she is chasing after Neppy Cat with Sage

   "I'm transgender." - Raye Rodriguez

   A hectic plot is not a bad plot, and I actually like this episode for that reason. It is a compilation of chaos, or trouble that happens at the same time. Each of the girls have their own conflict to face, and it is exactly why it starts with a cool intro that showcases each of them exercising their skills.

   The main plot is Sage chasing after Neppy Cat when Amaryllis interferes with her assignment. The secondary plot is Parsley finding her way through the caves that are beneath the school. And the tertiary plot is Rosemary learning more about her mother through Professor Carroway.

   Due to the nature of the episode, I can't really discuss it all that much. It is a series of events that unfold in the most anarchic way possible, to the point where it seems plot-less. Not only that, but most of what happens can't really be described all that easily. But even then, I have way too much fun watching everything.

   So, for the A plot, Sage continues her animosity with Amaryllis while Neppy Cat makes his debut. It's not explained where he comes from or why he is suddenly introduced, but when he becomes a monster cat, he attempts to warn the girls about the rotting tree. Ironically, despite his new form, he is not the monster that Sage, Amaryllis, and Snapdragon were after.

   As for the B plot with Parsley, it's technically negligible, but at least cute. I say technically because there is a trabber infestation in the next episode; and it's heavily implied that it's her fault. Surprisingly, she isn't too frightened over her predicament, even though she could have been killed. In spite of this, she goes on her own mini adventure before succeeding and completing Moss Phlox's assignment.

   The C plot however is the weakest of the three. It does not necessarily reveal anything about Rosemary's mother, except that Lavender and Carroway fought a manticore. It also reveals that Professor Carroway, or Raye Rodriguez, is transgender. I mention the show's creator because I am under the impression that Carroway is Raye's self-insert; after all, Raye uses his own voice and he himself is transgender. And fun fact, when I saw the trailer to High Guardian Spice, I thought Raye was female. Ironically, I was half -correct.

   Despite Rosemary's plot being the least interesting, at least Carroway consoles her by being a soft-spoken teacher, if not counsel. And it shows her transformation into a High Guardian Academy student when she finally decides what her focus should be, which, in all honesty, should not have been difficult to do.

   As for Thyme, she has a very minor role in the episode; and the outro shows that she is facing a dilemma worse than what the others are facing.

   Believe me, this has been the most difficult episode to review (so far), and there are some problems I have with it, such as Neppy Cat surviving Thyme's arrows, Moss Phlox becoming a background teacher, and the issues of gender in the world of High Guardian Spice.

   That being said, chaos cannot be easily described. Instead, it must be experienced to appreciate.

Complete anarchy at High Guardian Academy

previous episode review: Disorientation Day

next episode review: Past Present

list of High Guardian Spice episode reviews

2. "Disorientation Day" Episode Review (POOR)

   "What about orientation?!" - Sage, frustrated that orientation is being skipped

   "No orientation, only disorientation!" - Hemlock, answering Sage's question   

   "You should apologize for that posture, sweetie! You look like an invertebrate!" - Amaryllis, taunting Rosemary after bumping into Sage

   "I'm just glad the hazing's over. It's over, right?" - Parsley, towards the end of the episode

   It's true that real-life schooling can be boring, which is why this episode should be skipped; unfortunately, it can't because it is the single most important episode of the entire series. I have listened to one reviewer criticize the series premiere for being slow; but in my opinion, "Disorientation Day" is slower.

   The plot is used to introduce not just High Guardian Academy, but also its teachers, and while it is nice to see variety at the show's disposal, not all of them are relevant or important again. The best example is the centaur teacher, because I don't even know his name, and he barely appears on the show.

   The teachers should have been introduced when necessary, and even then, they're not interesting enough to carry the episode. The same applies for the classes that they teach, which includes ethics, martial arts, and blacksmithing.

   The latter is egregious because Parsley has such an easy time that she is allowed to enter Moss Phlox's third-year class. As a result, blacksmithing is redundant for her. I should also mention that Phlox's voice is difficult to understand, even if that is the purpose, and the fact he is just barely more relevant than the centaur teacher

   As much as Professor Redbud almost kills her students in potions, at least something tense and interesting happens; but her class is not relevant again in later episodes. This even applies to "Lost Cause" and "Cave of Vinca."

   The only four characters that are truly important for the rest of the series are Amaryllis, Snapdragon, Carroway, and Olive. Rosemary develops a rivalry against Snapdragon and Sage develops one against Amaryllis. In addition, Thyme becomes leery about Olive watching her.

   As much as Rosemary and Sage become disheartened that they do not share the same classes, due to being on different tracks, this is irrelevant. Later, they have classes with each other again, like they do in "Crushing Obstacles." Beyond that, they can be together for lunch and after school; they even share the same dorm.

   I don't understand the intention of Everything Hours; and while it's basically Study Hall, it may as well be recess. Without supervision, students can get away with doing nothing. But also, if students can pick what to learn, then they may as well forgo the tracks they are on. And to top it off, Everything Hours is not mentioned again after this episode.

   For these reasons, a hefty chunk of the plot should have been condensed or redacted, and that is why I sympathize with Hemlock, or the Crone of the Triad for being impatient, if not rude towards the incoming students. The majority of the episode is a series of events that are not entirely important.

   One element I do like is hearing each of the students guess their way through their guardian vows. Each character has their own unique personality that influences what they say, and there is neither a correct nor wrong answer.

   The main focus of the episode should have been Sage's expectations turning against her. She naively believes that life at High Guardian Academy will be good, but she is proven wrong. Not only does the curriculum exclusively teach new magic, but old magic users are forced into adopting just a new standard that they may not agree with, or even want. Obviously, Amaryllis happily, if not joyously mocks her for using old magic, but she alone is not enough to demonstrate the conflict between old magic and new magic or the conflict between old magic users and new magic users. All of this however, is only mildly addressed.

   As much as the title is a cute play on the word "orientation," there is nothing disorientating about this episode. Instead, it is disappointing.

How disorienting is it?

previous episode review: Journey to Lyngarth

next episode review: Transformations

list of High Guardian Spice episode reviews

So I just made personal gaming history today. Even though I got the E rank for the 4th Survivor (the HUNK scenario) on the original Resident Evil 2, I got the A rank for the Tofu Survivor. This is crucial because the Tofu scenario is not only harder than the HUNK scenario, it's the hardest gameplay mode of the entire game; as in, I got the highest rank for the hardest mode, but I got the lowest rank for a mode that is meant to be easier.

1. "Journey to Lyngarth" Episode Review (GOOD)

"We're gonna sit on each other's laps, at the same time!" - Rosemary, making a nonsensical, outlandish statement to the ticketmaster

"Pebble looks so... small." - Rosemary, observing the scale of her hometown to the rest of the world

"Is sleep a food?" - Rosemary, after she and Sage make it to Lyngarth. She's probably hungry after all that traveling

"I'm sorry! Is there a better time to get mugged?!" - Rosemary, answering Thyme's question in their second encounter

Despite how notorious, if not scandalous High Guardian Spice has become, its first episode starts slowly and innocuously.

The first two minutes do not explain who Rosemary's family and Sage's family are and why they are important. The series could have easily started at Lyngarth or High Guardian Academy, owing to how their families only have a major appearance in this episode. With the exception of Lavender, the other family members do not appear on the show again, unless it's the opening intro or minor flashbacks. The latter only applies to Rosemary's family and even though Sage will struggle with new magic, her parents are not relevant again.

Not only that, but Chicory could easily be mistaken for an uncle, cousin, or close family relative. I did not know he is Rosemary's brother until I researched it. And in the show's intro, I wonder why he is upset or annoyed at her every time she walks down the stairs. It could be anything, from jealousy, to simply being peeved. For these reasons, I would really like to know about him, because surely, he had some role in Rosemary's childhood.

The plot of the first episode is designed to move Rosemary and Sage to their destination; and even if the first quarter of the episode seem lengthy and/or drawn out, it at least emphasizes how far they have to travel, as in, the amount of time, as well as effort, they must sacrifice in order to become guardians. It also represents the amount of responsibility, or maturity that they will have.

Their journey together is a journey into the beginning stages of adulthood, and it also shows the uniqueness of their world, as they go through majestic forests, great plains, and high mountains. The scenery is nice to look at and well detailed; and the music that accompanies it emphasizes how Rose and Sage are little girls in a grand world, as well as the impact of leaving their home, a town so small, it is literally named "Pebble." Rosemary even references this fact.

When they reach Lyngarth, they do very little, but this represents the carelessness of childhood and the lack of responsibilities. The girls explore a city they have never visited before, and why they do it so enthusiastically. In the process, they also have two cute encounters with Thyme. While Sage is intimidated both thymes, Rosemary is comically annoyed at her.

Rosemary and Sage themselves are highly appealing characters, in terms of design and personality. The former is red (or pink), and the latter is blue. What's ironic is that despite their color schemes, Rosemary is tomboyish while Sage is girly. Even more ironic is that in the past, pink was actually associated with boys while blue was associated with girls.

But despite the stark difference between them, they have such a close bond that their stomachs align. Rosemary allows Sage to use her neck as a pillow and Sage allows her to sleep in her bed.

And while I have been defending the episode so far, I will agree that the breakfast scene looks terrible, due to the number of stock assets that do not match the general aesthetics of the show. The only way it could look worse if if the production studio used CGI models. And yes, there is a lamp post with a visible watermark towards the end of the episode.

Because the girls will attend High Guardian Academy, which will function in loco parentis, the scenes at Aunt Anise's house could have been skipped entirely. Even though Aunt Aloe demonstrates the power of new magic, which can create entirely new rooms out of thin air, this is not an interesting application, useful as it might be. I could also criticize Anise's character design; but to me, it doesn't seem out of place. If magic is possible, in a fantasy world with dwarves and elves, then her blue hair and tattoos should be just as plausible, even if she looks like a sci-fi character.

Rosemary's nightmare could have made a better intro for the show. In spite of her being a cheerful girl, she is still agitated by her mother leaving. Lavender is the hero that she aspires to be.

The trixies could technically be removed from the episode, but then Rose and Sage could not meet Parsley nor encounter Thyme again. Even then, they show how Rose is unfamiliar with Lyngarth and why she becomes a victim of trixie theft. And much like her father and brother, the trixies are not relevant again on the show.

Surprisingly, Rose and Sage do not question why Parsley is a blacksmith. Blacksmithing has always been and will always be a male occupation. Either of the girls should have mentioned this fact.

According to Raye Rodriguez, the storyboard process for this episode was in progress before the script was finished. He and his studio were completely rushed and under-financed during its production. This is an easy explanation for why they resorted to using stock assets.

But in spite of everything, the series premiere of High Guardian Spice doesn't irritate me as much as it does to the average critic. While nothing significant plot-wise happens, the girls have such enthusiasm, excitement, and optimism for going to High Guardian, it's difficult to not share their feelings.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

next episode review: Disorientation Day

list of High Guardian Spice episode reviews

[list of episode reviews, and tier ranking]

   Like before, I will only cover the episodes I can talk about most effectively. However, I don't know if I'm going to cover every one. This is the reason why only the first episode is listed. And because of this, I will update this page every week until the last episode review is finished. Like before, you also won't know the episode score until I publish the review for it. Likewise, every episode will be put on a tier list that will also be updated.

Episodes in order

1. "Journey to Lyngarth" (GOOD)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

2. "Disorientation Day" (POOR)

How disorienting is it?

3. "Transformations" (GOOD)

Complete anarchy at High Guardian Academy

4. "Past Present" (GOOD)

But what about the future?

5. "Lost Cause" (MIXED)

When Sage loses it

6. "Crushing Obstacles" (POOR)

Crushing the episode like Parsley crushing Aster's foot

7. "Cave of Vinca" (POOR)

Why Zinnia ran away, from the episode

8/9. "Festival of Fall" (GREAT)

Having a nice fall

10. "Rainy Day Memories" (GREAT)

Have you ever seen the rain?

11. "Scypith" (ABYSMAL)

Why the episode smells like fish

12. "Attack on High Guardian Academy" (GREAT)

Either attack it well or don't attack at all

Episodes from best to worst

(GREAT)

10. "Rainy Day Memories"

8/9. "Festival of Fall"

12. "Attack on High Guardian Academy"

(GOOD)

1. "Journey to Lyngarth"

3. "Transformations"

4. "Past Present"

(MIXED)

5. "Lost Cause"

(POOR)

2. "Disorientation Day"

6. "Crushing Obstacles"

7. "Cave of Vinca"

(ABYSMAL)

11. "Scypith"

Part one: the trailer

Part three: the show as a whole

[the trailer]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZSOGZFfSDk

"Getting the ad hominem out the way"

"This may also land me in hot water"

   On tumblr and deviantArt, I asked if I should discuss the trailer for High Guardian Spice. The poll on deviantArt received only two votes, but they unanimously said I should; but the poll on tumblr was (is?) much more divisive. Even though I myself voted, by voting "no," it was almost a tie. But combining the number of votes from both sites, the yes-votes have won.

   The main reason why I leaned towards "no" is because the trailer is only a minute and half long. Because I didn't watch it when it was first released, years ago, I also have hindsight bias. I only heard about High Guardian Spice and its promotion after other people covered, and criticized it. And it is the reason why I don't want to risk regurgitating an opinion that might not necessarily belong to me. I might also cover subject matter that is not entirely related to the show.

   I was also reluctant to type an analysis that is longer to read than it is to watch the trailer. In fact, it might have even taken longer to write than the amount of time to film (or shoot) the trailer; i.e. I put more effort in writing this than the trailer does in advertising the show.

   However, the story of High Guardian and its infamy is not complete without it. Not only that, but the video has just over half a million views; so this is a number that can't be taken lightly, especially when this announcement is specifically how the majority of people first saw (or heard) about it.

   A trailer is not the ultimate indicator of a show's quality, due to its purpose of being a promotion; but a bad trailer will drive people away. And it is the reason why this series achieved its level of notoriety before it was even released. Because what exactly is there to say about it?

   It doesn't even promote the show. It is so vague, it's almost hypothetical, if not theoretical. to the point where it wouldn't even be a dvd featurette. It barely scratches the surface of what the show is about to the point where we don't even learn the names of the main characters; and they don't even show up in the description.

   While some concept art is presented, showing that High Guardian Spice is a 2D, hand-drawn production, there should have been clips from the show. Instead, Raye Rodriguez happily expresses how he and his studio is for being fifty percent female, but later, he states that the writer's room is one-hundred percent women. The first issue is Raye contradicted himself, due to the writer's room being homogenous. The second issue is, diversity is not a substitute for a quality writing staff.

   Raye may be happy over the makeup or composition of his (or Margaret Dean's) studio, but imagine what his reaction would be if the writer's room was "male-only," as opposed to "one-hundred percent female." In fact, imagine the outcry if it said "no-females."

   Although, a "no-female" writing room would be more focused on actually writing instead of talking about what color to dye their hair. Alright, that's not what actually happens, but that what it looks like. But at least the room filled with men would focus on writing a decent story and no one would be focused, if not fixated on their demographics. Not only that, but if Ellation Studio really is (or was) fifty-percent female, they better not have been diversity hires; otherwise, it shows that they prioritize diversity above expertise.

   Later, Raye says his objective is to "get voices in there that are not being heard," but if he is talking about women, I don't know what he is talking about. If he is talking about trans-women, I barely heard about them in the show. But both groups of people can receive just as much, if not more attention than men.

   Audu Paden concludes the trailer by believing that High Guardian Spice will have a unique story no one has heard, because he and his co-workers do not say nothing about their own story.

   Obviously, one minute of content is a soundbite, but the trailer successfully boosted attention to the show by being a terrible representation in numerous ways.

   Another major reason I didn't want to talk about it is because the production studio had no control over how High Guardian was promoted. After the trailer was published, the people who were interviewed state that they were unaware that the network would publish what they said in a promotion; but I hope they were aware of the cameras pointed at them.

   Crunchyroll, not Ellation Studio, made the trailer. But in all honesty, this just makes the situation worse. The creators had no control of how to market their own show, despite having better knowledge of it than the network.

   Although, their statements give the impression that they don't even know what they're working on. However, this is obviously not true; and it seems Crunchyroll ambushed the studio when they could not (or did not) prepare their responses. Either that, or Crunchyroll asked the worst questions they could ask.

   Another problem with writing this analysis is that I don't want to review the creator(s), I want to review the creation. I didn't do this before with the other shows I covered, save for Tara Duncan who is a minor exception. Unfortunately, the trailer for High Guardian Spice has even more elements to cover.

   I hate to pre-judge people, but just looking at the people who are interviewed, and listening to what they say, it's extremely obvious as to who they are and what their beliefs are. I am extremely doubtful that none of them are not liberal.

   I'm glad they have the courage to show their faces on camera, and express what they think, but aside from barely showcasing their own creation, they are literally the embodiment of every nasty left-wing stereotype. They not only have the privilege of dying their hair, the majority of them look overweight, so they also have the privilege of a hefty diet. As a result, they look like elitist, upper-class snobs.

   They're also physically unattractive, and I would be fine with this if they weren't also the kind of people who believe they are better, if not superior than you because they vote liberal. They claim to be tolerant and accepting of other people, until someone disagrees with them; and afterwards, they become angry, nasty, and hostile. Afterwards, they believe they can insult people by talking down to them.

   The prime example is Kate Leth, who has tweeted highly questionable things about men in media. If she was a man who posted misogynist tweets, would she still have a career as a writer? I am highly doubtful she would, because she is credited for writing most of the episodes, aside from Raye Rodriguez himself.

   I didn't want to mention politics, but people like Leth are the reason why normal viewers, normal people fear agenda-based media, because the people behind them seem mission-oriented as opposed to producing good content. Viewers want to escape from reality, and this is why there has been a strong backlash against liberal (left-wing? far-left?) media.

   This is only my opinion on the trailer, not the show itself. Whether I like High Guardian Spice or not, you will find out later. But even if you do like the show, you have to admit, the trailer doesn't say anything worthwhile, despite the creators' highest hopes.

Part two: list of episode reviews

"Unraveling the crunchy roll known as High Guardian Spice"

   So, as promised, I will be talking about this show. Like before, I won't be uploading new images until after this is finished.

   What makes this review series extra special is that I am also publishing it here on Newgrounds. This is the first time I am reviewing a series outside of deviantart, so it's twice the amount of work.

   Part 1 - the trailer

   Part 2 - list of episode reviews

   Part 3 - the show as a whole

(Return of the Saint)

      Alright, the moment you were (weren't?) waiting for.

      Some time ago, I said I would be returning with new images in September, but that didn't happen. The main reason being very obvious, art block and just being unable to make higher-quality images.

      Like before, I will upload every tuesday. This time, it may be once every week or once every two weeks, but it will always be on a tuesday. I will still be uploading fanart of Regal Academy, Lolirock, DC Super Hero Girls as well as other series, so if you are watching me for those reasons, I have returned.

      As a special note for my fans on Newgrounds, you will receive more content than what I post on deviantArt and tumblr. You will receive everything I post on those sites, but also what I can't post; as in, NSFW content.

   And while I'm at it, I will be reviewing the following shows sometime this year.

      High Guardian Spice (oh yeah!)

      Polly Pocket season 1 (on deviantArt or tumblr)

      Mia and Me seasons 1-2

I would like you to vote in this poll

Or you can guess it here if you like